Two and a Half Men
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| Date (↑) | Episode # | Title | Network | Rating | Share | Viewers | Watch/Purchase DVD/Download |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10/22/2007 | 05-005 | Putting Swim Fins on a Cat | CBS | 8.7 | 12 | 13.9 | 
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| 10/29/2007 | 05-006 | Help Daddy Find His Toenail | CBS | 8.5 | 12 | 13.7 |
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| 11/05/2007 | 05-007 | Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room | CBS | 8.5 | 12 | 13.8 |
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| 11/12/2007 | 05-008 | Is There a Mrs. Waffles? | CBS | 8.7 | 12 | 14.1 |
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| 11/19/2007 | 05-009 | Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids (a.k.a. Tight's Good) | CBS | 8.5 | 12 | 13.9 |
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| 11/26/2007 | 05-010 | Kinda Like Necrophilia | CBS | 9.4 | 14 | 15.3 |
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| 03/17/2008 | 05-011 | Meander to Your Dander | CBS | 8.5 | 13 | 14.1 |
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| 03/24/2008 | 05-012 | A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 14.2 |
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| 03/31/2008 | 05-013 | The Soil Is Moist | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 14.5 |
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| 04/14/2008 | 05-014 | Winky-Dink Time | CBS | 8.5 | 13 | 13.9 |
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| 04/21/2008 | 05-015 | Rough Night in Hump Junction | CBS | 8.3 | 12 | 13.4 |
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| 04/28/2008 | 05-016 | Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty | CBS | 7.9 | 12 | 12.9 |
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| 05/05/2008 | 05-017 | Fish in a Drawer | CBS | 8.5 | 13 | 13.6 |
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| 05/12/2008 | 05-018 | If My Hole Could Talk (a.k.a. Finish Your Yemisir Kik Wat) | CBS | 8.5 | 13 | 13.8 |
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| 05/19/2008 | 05-019 | Waiting for the Right Snapper | CBS | 9 | 14 | 14.7 |
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| 09/22/2008 | 06-001 | Taterhead Is Our Love Child | CBS | 9.1 | 13 | 14.9 |
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| 09/29/2008 | 06-002 | Pie Hole, Herb | CBS | 8.4 | 12 | 13.6 |
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| 10/06/2008 | 06-003 | Damn You, Eggs Benedict | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 14.1 |
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| 10/13/2008 | 06-004 | The Flavin' and the Mavin | CBS | 9 | 13 | 14.7 |
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| 10/20/2008 | 06-005 | A Jack Strap in Hell | CBS | 8.9 | 13 | 14.6 |
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| 11/03/2008 | 06-006 | It's Always Nazi Week | CBS | 8 | 11 | 12.8 |
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| 11/10/2008 | 06-007 | Best H.O. Money Can Buy | CBS | 8.9 | 13 | 14.5 |
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| 11/17/2008 | 06-008 | Pinocchio's Mouth | CBS | 9.3 | 13 | 15.2 |
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| 11/24/2008 | 06-009 | The Mooch at the Boo | CBS | 9 | 13 | 14.9 |
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| 12/08/2008 | 06-010 | He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited | CBS | 9.5 | 14 | 15.6 |
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| 12/15/2008 | 06-011 | The Devil's Lube | CBS | 10.6 | 16 | 17.9 |
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| 01/12/2009 | 06-012 | Thank God for Scoliosis | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 17.1 |
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| 01/19/2009 | 06-013 | I Think You Offended Don | CBS | 9.8 | 14 | 16.1 |
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| 02/02/2009 | 06-014 | David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie | CBS | 10 | 15 | 16.6 |
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| 02/09/2009 | 06-015 | I'd Like to Start with the Cat | CBS | 9.2 | 13 | 15 |
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| 03/02/2009 | 06-016 | She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime | CBS | 9.2 | 13 | 15.5 |
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| 03/09/2009 | 06-017 | The Ocu or the Pado? | CBS | 8.1 | 12 | 13.4 |
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| 03/16/2009 | 06-018 | My Son's Enormous Head | CBS | 8.5 | 13 | 14.1 |
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| 03/30/2009 | 06-019 | The Two Finger Rule | CBS | 8.5 | 13 | 14.6 |
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| 04/13/2009 | 06-020 | Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 15 |
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| 04/27/2009 | 06-021 | Above Exalted Cyclops | CBS | 8.7 | 13 | 14.2 |
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| 05/04/2009 | 06-022 | Sir Lancelot's Litter Box | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 14.2 |
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| 05/11/2009 | 06-023 | Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth | CBS | 8.2 | 12 | 13.1 |
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| 05/18/2009 | 06-024 | Baseball Was Better with Steroids | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 09/21/2009 | 07-001 | 818-jklpuzo | CBS | 8.5 | 12 | 13.6 |
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| 09/28/2009 | 07-002 | Whipped Unto the Third Generation | CBS | 8.3 | 12 | 13.9 |
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| 10/05/2009 | 07-003 | Mmm, Fish. Yum | CBS | 8.4 | 12 | 13.3 |
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| 10/12/2009 | 07-004 | Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator | CBS | 8.7 | 13 | 14.2 |
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| 10/19/2009 | 07-005 | For the Sake of the Child | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 14.1 |
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| 11/02/2009 | 07-006 | Give Me Your Thumb | CBS | 8.4 | 12 | 13.5 |
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| 11/09/2009 | 07-007 | Untainted by Filth | CBS | 8.9 | 13 | 14.4 |
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| 11/16/2009 | 07-008 | Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. | CBS | 8.4 | 13 | 13.7 |
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| 11/23/2009 | 07-009 | Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair | CBS | 8.3 | 12 | 13.9 |
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| 12/07/2009 | 07-010 | That's Why They Call It Ball Room | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 14.8 |
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| 12/14/2009 | 07-011 | Warning, It's Dirty | CBS | 9.8 | 15 | 16.4 |
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