Top 10 TV Characters for Chubby Chasers
Telly Davidson - September 20, 2010
They say that the camera adds ten pounds – which some people think is a liability, but others of us know that’s just an extra added asset. CBS’s latest look at the other side of the weight scales, MIKE & MOLLY, premieres on Monday, September 20 at 9:30pm ET/PT.
Yet Mike and Molly are far from the first characters to prove that bigger is better. Fat folks have always been a staple for sidekicks, wistful wallflowers, and bosses from hell. But only a select few fatsos make the grade as the most deliciously defiant and stylish super-sizers on the small screen. For those who think that there's no such thing as having too much to love, here's a rundown of some of TV’s finest men and women of substance. We’ve rated these heavy hotties for style, ‘tude, and personality, on a Love Handle scale of 1 to 5.
|
|
 |
Bodacious Babe: Roseanne Connor Series: ROSEANNE (ABC, 1988-1997) The Domestic Goddess is the not-so-desperate housewife for all lovers of largesse. Roseanne Connor has it all goin’ on -- she runs a family, pays the bills, and takes on one blue-collar job after another -- while always proving that "Mother knows best." Why is she a chubby-chaser's dream? Attitude. Everyone who loves an attitude -- including her equally roly-poly husband Dan -- wants to make this sumo sweetheart their dream girl of domestic dysfunction.
Love Handles: 4 |
|
|
 |
Humongous Hottie: Ralph Kramden Series: THE JACKIE GLEASON SHOW / THE HONEYMOONERS (CBS, 1952-1956; 1966-1970) When Ralph threatens to send his better half Alice "to da moon!", there's no question he has the heft to back it up...but doesn't seriously mean it. Despite his meager salary and Alice’s bare-bones kitchen, Ralph never loses his appetite for life -- his bus must stop at every fast-food joint and deli in New York. Why is he a chubby-chaser's dream? He's groundbreaking -- and not just when he walks -- since Ralph was the first to show that fat is fantastic.
Love Handles: 3 |
|
|
|
|
 |
Bodacious Babe: Eleanor Frutt Series: THE PRACTICE (ABC, 1997-2004) No prosecutor wants to be on the receiving end of this sexy legal steamroller. Eleanor Frutt rocks and rules every courtroom she sets foot in. Educated, sophisticated, and dressed in business chic for the plus-size set, getting together with the fabulous Frutt's corpulent delecti is the ultimate fat fetish fantasy. Why is she a chubby-chaser's dream? Compassion...and a figure to die for. Frutt really struts her stuff.
Love Handles: 4 |
|
|
 |
Bodacious Babe: Mimi Bobeck Series: THE DREW CAREY SHOW (ABC, 1995-2004) Mimi’s drag-queen fashion sense is the technicolor contrast to dull, workaday Drew. Plus, this mascara-wearing Mack truck throws her weight around the office, crooning "Whaddare ya gonna do about it, pig?" And that little morsel really makes super-sized hearts swoon. Why is she a chubby-chaser's dream? With her beyond outrageous fashion statements and phat mouth, she's difficult to lose in a crowded bar.
Love Handles: 2 |
|
|
 |
Humongous Hottie: Frank Cannon Series: CANNON (CBS, 1971-1976) Fat, forty-plus, and proud, our hero is livin' large in a Sunset Boulevard penthouse, patronizing the finest restaurants, and driving an equally elephantine Lincoln Continental Mark IV. Cannon is the ultimate "heavy" -- but on the side of the good guys. Why is he a chubby-chaser's dream? This deluxe private eye has a really big...gun.
Love Handles: 2 |
|
|
 |
Bodacious Babe: Berta Series: TWO AND A HALF MEN (CBS, 2003-present) It takes a housekeeper to raise a child, not to mention to keep all our wisecracking nosy neighbors and ever-intruding relatives in their proper place. Berta has just as busy a social calendar as her dark, sexy, and handsome boss, and she’s implied that she’s played on both teams! Why is she a chubby-chaser's dream? This marijuana-smokin’ cellulite cougar is loyal to a fault and can roll the perfect joint. She's kind of a hippie hippo.
Love Handles: 3 |
|
|
 |
Bodacious Babe: Nicole Ann 'Nikki' Parker Series: THE PARKERS (UPN, 1999-2004) This steaming hot cup of chocolate MILF raises daughter Kim as a single mom while scoring a degree from Santa Monica Community College. After pining for Professor Oglevee for five seasons, her stalkerish ways finally pay off and, in the end, she scores a husband as well. Why is she a chubby-chaser's dream? Nikki has sass, class, and a big...personality, but this down-to-Earth soul sista is far from shallow.
Love Handles: 4.5 |
|
|
 |
Humongous Hottie: Johnny LaRue Series: SCTV (Syn/NBC, 1977-83) If domination and humiliation are your things, then Melonville’s Tyrannosaurus Sex is your man since he always puts himself first. Johnny’s raw charisma defines Channel 109, and his star power is the only thing that makes his TV shows sexy. Why is he a chubby-chaser's dream? He may be the best chance to get 15 minutes of television fame since he hosts MR. SCIENCE, DINING WITH LARUE, and many other TV programs.
Love Handles: 1 |
|
|
 |
Bodacious Babe: Willamena 'Will' Rader Series: HUGE (ABC Family, 2010) Will is the best oversize teen queen since Natalie on THE FACTS OF LIFE. When her parents force her off to fat camp, she only gets more loud-and-proud as she fights to convert her fellow campers to see that big truly is beautiful. Why is she a chubby-chaser's dream? Willamena takes huge pride in how she looks -- she bulked up on purpose to rebel against her appearance-conscious parents -- and she's a real weight watcher.
Love Handles: 5 |
|
|
 |
Humongous Hottie: Tony Soprano Series: THE SOPRANOS (HBO, 1999-2007) This molto-benne Mafioso might not be as giant-sized as some of us would like, but he is the ultimate Family Man -- the kind of chubby hubby who lovingly snuggles up to his wife after an exhausting day of whacking witnesses and scoring six-figure payoffs. Why is he a chubby-chaser's dream? Power is the greatest aphrodisiac, capisce?
Love Handles: 3 |
|
|
Honorable Mention: Fat Albert.
With his swaggering "hey-hey-hey!" and his comfy, snuggly sweater, Fat Albert is the best thing going this side of a Barry White record. This nuclear-sized nerd uses his portly personality to keep his homies’ loyalty as the unquestioned leader of the Fat Pack.
About the Author: Telly Davidson is the author of the distinctly groovy Academy-cited book, TV's Grooviest Variety Shows, worked on the prime-time specials PIONEERS OF TELEVISION (PBS) and MOST OUTRAGEOUS GAME SHOW MOMENTS (NBC), and has reviewed TV and film for over a dozen magazines and websites -- when he isn't just happily watching. Telly isn't a chubby chaser in real life, but he plays one on TV Tango.
