Beauregard "Bo" Duke (The Dukes of Hazzard)

Gift: Phazer II Radar Laser Jammer

For the ex-moonshine runner and habitual speeder, the Phaser II Radar Laser Jammer is the perfect gift to avoid those pesky reckless driving tickets by making the General Lee virtually invisible to police radar.

Bret Maverick (Maverick)

Gift: The Blackjack Pro

With the Blackjack Pro, Maverick can slyly and precisely count cards without drawing attention to this device, which is brilliantly disguised as a car alarm transmitter. But there might be a few questions when he presses the wrong button and his horse alarm goes off.

Dr. David Banner  (The Incredible Hulk)

Gift: Sound Therapy Machine

With his wardrobe in shreds, David Banner's anger management issues are eating up his paychecks. To help counter the rage, this sound therapy machine creates a relaxing atmosphere -- suppressing the Lou Ferrigno in all of us.

Lt. Theo Kojak (Kojak)

Gift: Lollipop Maker

With this lollipop maker, Kojak can embrace his sugary addiction by making them at home. Every time he uses it, you can hear him say "Who loves ya, baby."

Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce (M*A*S*H)

Gift: Spirits Turbo Air Still (Home Distiller)

In just a 24-hour period, the still produces two liters of 60-proof alcohol, allowing the gin-swilling Hawkeye to focus on saving lives -- and getting nurses to take the walk of shame out of his tent.

John Ross "J.R." Ewing Jr. (Dallas)

Gift: Black Weatherproof Disguised Bullet/Stab-Proof Jacket

Whether you're the head of the Gulf Cartel or a greedy oil baron, this black bullet/stab-proof jacket can be the centerpiece of any ensemble. With this chic coat, nobody will ever ask "Who shot JR?"

The Skipper (Gilligan's Island)

Gift: Marine GPS Course Charter

The Skipper managed to miss every sign of a storm and get shipwrecked on an island -- during a three-hour party cruise. With this gift, he'll only get lost if he lets his "little buddy" Gilligan take the helm. 

Angela Bower  (Who's the Boss?)

Gift: Roomba

As a gift for Angela and for her family's mental health, the Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner limits their time with clueless housekeeper Tony Micelli, while still cleaning carpets and hardwood floors.

Jan Brady (The Brady Bunch)

Gift: Invisible Braces

Jan's middle-child syndrome was compounded by the stigma of wearing braces, but with invisible braces the era of imaginary boyfriends and no taffy eating are over. With Marcia's nose and Cindy's lisp, who's the freak now? Not Jan. Not Jan at all.

Lassie (Lassie)

Gift: Pet Containment System (Underground Electric Fence)

Timmy falls into a well. Timmy falls into a river. Timmy falls into a cave. See a pattern? Give this gift to Lassie, let her install it, and then put the collar around Timmy's neck. Timmy won't be able to leave his yard anymore, but Lassie will still find a way to escape and enjoy her newly-found free time.